求改作文

发表于:2012-07-09 20:48 [只看楼主] [划词开启]
我深知水平很low,请高价讲解,我会努力!题目:The government should require all young adults to perform some kind of national service,such as military service or social work.
我写完了贴到word里改好错别的word后的 语法什么啊,句型请大家帮帮我哦!!

         Therewas a common discussion about whether should government should require allyoung adults to perform some kind of national service nowadays. Those whoadvocate it hold the view that this can actually improve their nationalresponsibility also known more about the multiple different cultures. On thecontrary, others who object to this principle believe that this truly burdenthe young people, and waste their time do more important thing, such as doscience studies, and also some kinds of young people cannot do it because oftheir reason such as illness. Actually two views have their advantages and disadvantages,but I do more support the later.

         Socould we really do it means that it requires all young people to do so. Fromthe supported argue we learn this can educate the young adults to concentrateall of their energy to face the same problems from it. Therefore, they canlearn culture differences.

         Onthe actually side, not all young adults want to engage in it. Firstly, theyjust finish their  primitive education orfurther practice and the several follow years is their most import time toutilize what they have studied to help sick people or operate a company or makephysical research, you name it .If they run the national service, they wouldignore their most valuable period to get the work they wanted. Secondly, notall young people suit this service. There is a little people who have somediseases that cannot provide a healthy body .As a matter of fact, they might dosome works that no need too much energy, like writing book and story or drawingpaint. they love their work, why not ask they to participate this service? Thirdly,we can actually educate they by other way that open some activities like wintercampaign, boat competition, you name it to gain the same effect that they canlearn from the service.

         Notonly the young do not want to go for it but also the society. Companies needworkers, supervisor, engineer and so on. If they all perform the national service, who will do that work? It would be a big problem for the hold nationaleconomy. And we also could see that lots of people who want to do it will do itbetter ,so we encourage them install of requiring all of them could get mostaccepted results.

         Undoubtedly,all the analysis confirms a unshakable conclusion that the government shouldnot require all young adults to perform some kind of national service. Even thoughto do so can take some advantages but the opponent one's advantages are muchmore than it.


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