请斑竹修改一下, 谢谢啦

发表于:2012-11-13 13:01 [只看楼主] [划词开启]

版主,你能帮我看看这篇吗   这篇是今天写的   热乎乎的刚出炉


我的主要问题是我不太懂结构,今天刚看了慎小嶷的,写了一下,你看看结构还行吗。  还有就是我觉得200字我写不来(不是写不够,是我觉得写不清楚) 


政府该把fund给health and education of public还是给art。

 

It is a extremely serious issue for government to consider to which the fund should be given, art or public health and education. After taking some points into account, I side with health and education of public for following reasons.

 

It is not exaggerate to state that health is thefoundation foundermental of every thingeverything for all living creature in our earth. I mage that, if all the folk living in a country have some diseases, such as coronary heart disease, hypertension, obesity and so on, could his state become a strong force in military, economy. DefinetelyDefinitely, the answer is not for the characters do not have as much energy as healthy ones in other countries to direct into protecting their homeland and producing goods, In addition, education is becoming an essential factor, at least more important than art, in nowadays force competing society. Without aan advanced education, a country will be threw out of safety sooner or later as they will be lack of way to attain knowledge of edgeindulstryindustry technologies, which leads to a bright future in life qulityquality.

 

AdmitedelyAdmittedly, art is also cristalcritical. Art serves as an independent part when we relax. For example, at current, music, one of form human being use to relax, is relatively provilentprevalent. It seems that without music, our day will be tedious. However, at is not the thing people cannot lose, although important, since there still are some individuals that do not care about art at all.

 

Because health is the basic of our life, education is the key for our country to develop, while art is only the way to relax, government should give money to the more important factor--education and health. 

 

字数:282

 

 

我不太知道雅思作文的格式  然后写出来了 我觉得怎么用200多的字写出比较请粗的文章呢,我是觉得200字我说不清这个问题,然后就写多了。

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