极智批改网 用户 剑8 Test 4小作文真实批改报告

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发表于:2014-01-06 11:50 [只看楼主] [划词开启]


题型:雅思小作文

题目:剑8 Test 4 小作文

原文字数:211

批改时间:2013年05月06日 14:27

 

The graph illustrates the 1amount of goods transported 2bu four different modes in the United Kingdom between 3the time period of 1974 and 2002.   

 

Over 4the span of 28 years5 . 6It can be seen that 7the most popular mode is road. The 8amount of goods transported by road was 70million tonnes in 1974 9which followed by a fluctuant rise and 10end up with nearly 100 million tonnes in 2002.It was always higher than the rest 11modes in this period. 12  

 

The 13amount of goods transported by water and rail is alomst 14constant at 40 million tonnes from 1974 to 1978.After 1978 15the line of water show a plain in 1982 and 1998 after a dramatically jump and it rase gradually again from 1998 to 2002 before reaching the peak at the end. However the period 1972-2002 saw 16a almost constant 17in the amount of rail transportation.  18   

 

The quantities of goods transported by pipeline is the 19minimum 20amogest the four 21methords. It 22refects a stable 23climbing 24in 1974 25and 2002 26and come to the high point in 1994 at 22 27while the other 28all are 29decling30  .   

 

In conclusion, 31road is the main way to transport goods in the UK, and 32the way of water 33andpipline is 34become 35increasingly used.

 

错误归类分析:

 

选词错误:

1: 修改建议:quantities (because this is the word that matches with “good”).

4: 修改建议:this.

8: 修改建议:quantity.

13: 修改建议:quantity.

14: 修改建议:the same.

15: 修改建议:goods transported by water rose to about 58 million tonnes in 1982. From 1982 to 1992 the quantity of goods transported by water remained stable at 59 million tonnes. In 1992 there was a decline to 1998 where the quantity of goods transported by water reached approximately 55 million tonnes. In 1998, goods transported by water increased again to reach 61 million tonnes in 2002.

17: 修改建议:number of goods transported by rail.

19: 修改建议:lowest.

23: 修改建议:increase.

26: 修改建议:reaching a.

35: 修改建议:more widely.

 

拼写错误(SPL):

2: 修改建议:by.

6: 修改建议:it.

20: 修改建议:amongst.

21: 修改建议:methods.

22: 修改建议:reflects.

29: 修改建议:declining.

 

多余文字:

3: 修改建议:This is redundant since 1974-2002 is a time period so you can cut it.

9: 修改建议:It wasn’t just a rise-so you would need to say something about increases and decreases in this time period.

10: 修改建议:not necessary.

32: 修改建议:not necessary.

 

标点错误:

5: 修改建议:no period.

 

词序不当:

7: 修改建议:road transportation is most popular.

 

单词缺失:

11: 修改建议:of the.

18: 修改建议:not really-there was a decrease, then an increase, then a decrease and then a final increase-so you need to describe this as I did for water.

27: 修改建议:million tonnes.

28: 修改建议:modes of transportation.

30: 修改建议:I don’t understand what you mean here-the other modes all increase from 1974.

 

单词重复过多:

12: 修改建议:This just says again what your first sentence said-so it would be better to give more details about what happened to road transportation during this time period.

 

冠词错误:

16: 修改建议:an.

 

介词错误:

24: 修改建议:from.

25: 修改建议:to.

 

单复数错误:

31: 修改建议:roads are.

33: 修改建议:and pipelines are.

 

时态错误:

34: 修改建议:becoming.

 

 

得分6.0分(满分9分)

 

任务完成情况 Development and Details


满足题目所有要求

Covers all requirements of the task.

 

文章组织和结构 Organization & Structure

信息和内容组织符合逻辑,分段足够且恰当

Sequencing of information and ideas logically, sufficient and appropriate paragraphing.

 

论点扩展和细节运用 Development & Details

清晰辨别主要特征因素,必要时可适当运用比较

Clearly identifies all principle features and makes comparisons where needed.

 

词汇运用 Lexical resources

词汇丰富,能流畅使用丰富多样的语言并精准表达意思

Uses a range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings.

 

语法 Grammar

能运用标准的书面英语,包括语法及句式结构

Command of the elements of Standard Written English, including grammar, and sentence structure.

 

整体评分 Holistic Assessment

有效地对事实进行识别、分析及评价,表达准确流畅

Effectively identify, analyze, and evaluate the facts, and conveyed clearly in a fluent manner.

 

 

总评

 

The main area for improvement in this essay is to make sure you include some information about all relevant data. For example, you need to include more details about rail transportation. Also, you need to be sure that what you say is accurate - as in when I questioned what you meant when you said the modes were decreasing. Also, be a bit careful about spelling.

 

 

 

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