[GRE写作] [求助讨论]刚写了一篇argument,有大神帮忙看下吗?

发表于:2014-08-10 01:37 [只看楼主] [划词开启]
刚写了一篇argument,希望各位牛人看看有什么问题没,谢谢

41.  The following appeared in a healthnewsletter.
"Aten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet whilebicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of allbicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today  that number is nearly 80 percent. Anotherstudy, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number ofbicycle-related accidents has increased 200 percent. These results demonstratethat bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets, and they take morerisks as a result. Thus, to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycleaccidents, the government should concentrate  more  on educating  people  about bicycle  safety  and less  on  encouraging or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets."
Write a response in whichyou examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure toexplain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implicationsare for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted






While itmay be true that the government ought to reduce the number of serious injuriesfrom bicycle accidents, this author’s argument does not make a cogent case fordecreased bicycle accidents bases on the effectiveness of helmets. It is easyto understand why whether the helmets is useful or not would sway the employmentof it, but this argument is rife with holes and assumptions, and thus, notstrong enough to lead to decreased bicycle accidents.

Citing study of the effectiveness of wearing ahelmet while bicycling and of the number of bicycle-related accidents, theauthor reports increased percentage about the number of wearing helmets and theamount of bicycle-related accidents. It is not clear, however, the scope andvalidity of that survey. For example, the survey could have asked people ifthey prefer wearing the helmets or would like to suffer serious injuries, whichmay have swayed people toward taking helmets. The sample may not have beenrepresentative of a nationwide people, asking only those people who often getinjured. The study may have been 100 questions, with only 1 questions dedicatedto wearing helmets. We just do not know. Unless the survey is fully representative,valid, and reliable, it cannot be used to effectively back the author’s argument.

Additionally,the author implies that the bicyclists take more risks, because they feel saferin terms of employing helmets. While the feeling of safety would likely strengthenthe courage to run risks, a concrete connection between taking risks and thesense of security is not effectively made. Though more bicyclists takeadventures, we do not know if they do this caused by the sense of security, orperhaps caused by their intention that acquire stimulus. To strengthen his/herargument, the author would benefit from implement a normed survey asking a widerange of bicyclists why they take adventures.

Buildingupon the implication that the bicyclists take more risks due to the sense of safety,the author suggests that concentrating more on educating people about bicyclesafety and less on encouraging or requiring bicyclists to wear helmets willresult in reducing the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents. If themeasure can improve the awareness of safety, this may be true. For example, if educatingpeople about bicycle safety can cause that bicyclists attach importance to thetraffic safety, this conceivably could be useful. But if the awareness ofsafety cannot be taken to bicyclists’heart by the method, this may not be true.For instance, bicyclists paid no attention to the education of bicycle safetyand violate traffic regulation. This is not something likely to be affected bysecurity education. Consequently, education of bicycle safety may not haveimpact upon bicycle accidents. Regardless of whether the safety education isable to be useful or not, the author does not effectively show a connectionbetween incidence of bicycle accidents and reducing encouragement orrequirement of wearing helmets.

An effective,pragmatic, economical suggestion of boosting the bicyclists’security often falloff incidence of bicycle accidents, lead to a better traffic environment andensure physical and property safety. For this reasons, government may decide tobring the suggestion into force. However, this author’s recommendation is notlikely significantly persuade the government to put it into effect.
最后编辑于:2014-08-10 01:37
分类: 杂货铺

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