点评一下高中学生的托福作文

罗德教育国际 (罗德国际教育) 路人甲
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发表于:2014-11-08 15:31 [只看楼主] [划词开启]

点评一篇高一学生的托福作文。托福写作时间短,任务大,托福备考过程中,大家可能会犯各种错误,不过因为不重视,或者无人指点,所以没有及时改正。本文为大家整理一篇高一生的托福作文的点评,希望对大家有所帮助。

托福写作真题:

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

托福写作范文:

名师讲解:点评一篇高一学生的托福作文

Nowadays the food we eat is prepared fast and it really had an influence in our life. With all the aspects concerned, the change is considered to be negative.

As the time of the preparation is shortened, the nutrition in the food is reduced as well. Food producers do not focus on how much the protein and the vitamins should be contain, instead they just want to make the preparation shorter and shorter, which will be more efficient to satisfy the customers’ need, and this will help them to earn more money. Because of this reason, we can not obtain much nutrition from the food but only calories, and they do nothing to health.

Another aspect must not be ignored is that food plays an important role in our daily life. Sometimes we use food of various styles, tastes and colors to express our feelings just like musicians use tunes to express their passions. Fast preparation makes it impossible to show its advantage in art. All the food are the same taste, same style, and it makes the meal boring. Some people may even lose their appetite for meals as they are offered such a dull supper.

As you can see, the fast food preparations have many disadvantages although we could not neglect that it supply enough time to those businessmen and businesswomen who are working hard everyday always have no time for meals. But to make a thoroughly thinking, fast food make people fail to take into account that food is also vital in our life and is certainly an art, it still has more negative impacts in our life.

托福作文点评1:

instead they just want to make the preparation shorter and shorter, which will be more efficient to satisfy the customers’ need;这一句和主旨有抵触;可以去掉这句,只是说为了赚钱;

All the food are the same taste, same style;–这个太片面了,感觉不太让人相信,你可以重点举一两个例子说明味道不好,或者让人没有胃口;

Some people may even lose their appetite for meals as they are offered such a dull supper. –这里的supper不能代替food;

总体上来说还是不错的,句型简洁,通俗易懂,如果再论证方面多加润色的话,效果会更好一些!

本文转自:罗德教育

www.luode.org

分类: 杂货铺

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