2014.06.20【英译中】我学会了永远不去寻求帮助 (3)

Janice1228 (nawa1228) 路人甲
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发表于:2014-06-20 16:19 [只看楼主] [划词开启]
As an adult, I did everything I could to live alone. I took basement apartments in bad neighborhoods and lived off dollar meals and Ramen. When I broke my wrist in a car accident seven years ago, I eschewed the pain meds, piloted my rental car and brought in the groceries one-handed; went to work and grad school as if (to quote Don Draper) it never happened. I took pride in refusing any offers of help — not because they came with strings attached, and not even because I wanted to impress anyone else; because refusing those offers meant I was self-contained, strong enough to endure a world where oblivious people plow their SUVs through stop signs, where little girls are hit harder for crying.
作为一个成年人,为了独自生活我竭尽了全力。我在治安不好的街区租住地下室,吃很便宜的饭菜和拉面。7 年前当我在一场交通事故中摔断手腕时,我没吃止痛药,而是单手开着租来的车去买了点吃的;紧接着去上班又去了学校就好像(引用唐.德雷帕的话)什么事都没发生过。我为拒绝接受别人提供的帮助而感到骄傲——不是因为他们另有所图,也不是因为我想给别人留下好印象。而是因为拒绝这些帮助就意味着我很独立,很强大,足够让我容忍这个糟糕的世界:在这里健忘的人们不看停车标志就随意停车,在这里小女孩如果哭泣会被揍的更狠。

“Nope, just me” was my anthem, not a single woman’s lament. I found a Spartan sanctity in hauling 50-pound bags of dog food over my shoulders, and in shouldering the bills on my own. My value wasn’t innate; it was earned by being useful, and not just useful — but stoic, heroic in shucking off my needs until I honestly believed I didn’t have them. I was always the one you call whenever you need to collect your stuff from your ex, to bitch about your boss, or just cry.
“不,就我自己”这是我给自己的赞歌,不是某个单身女人的哀歌。当我肩扛 50 磅重的狗粮时,当我独自扛起生活的重担时,我竟找到一种作为斯巴达勇士的尊严。我的价值不是天生的,是通过做一名有用的人自己挣来的,不仅仅是做有用的人——而是在摆脱那些我深信从不曾拥有过的需求时我所表现出来的坚韧和果断。当你需要从前男友那里要回东西时,或抱怨上司时,或只是痛苦流涕时,我一直都是那个你可以随时打电话倾诉的人。

Losing, quite literally, the power to stand on my own two feet felt more devastating than any beating. I needed help with the bedpan; I needed a washcloth rubbed over my back, and I needed the pain pills that swaddled me in a gauzy numbness. I wish I could say that there was one clear catharsis that cracked me open, but I didn’t have some capital-E epiphany — that redefining strength meant silencing the static of my upbringing.

毫不夸张地说,失去独立自主的能力比任何打击都让人绝望。使用便盆,我需要帮助;用毛巾擦拭背部,也需要帮助,而且我还需要止痛片让自己保持清醒。我希望我能说,我灵魂上得到了顿悟,但是我没有——那种重新被定义的力量在我的成长历程中的体现就是沉默。


往期链接:

2014.06.10【英译中】做回真正的自己——激情的力量(1)

2014.06.10【英译中】做回真正的自己——激情的力量(2)

2014.06.10【英译中】做回真正的自己——激情的力量(3)

2014.06.12【英译中】美国人在性方面的八大误区 (1)

2014.06.16【英译中】我学会了永远不去寻求帮助 (1)

2014.06.16【英译中】我学会了永远不去寻求帮助 (2)


最后编辑于:2014-06-20 18:02
分类: 英语
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