Daisy夭药 (番茄) 路人甲
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发表于:2014-06-25 19:22 [只看楼主] [划词开启]

I kept the same close friends, a core group of five people, all through middle school and into high school. We called each other’s parents Mom and Dad, spoke entirely in inside jokes , and were even writing a series of novels together. After our years of shared memories, I was sure we’d be best friends forever.


But during sophomore year, one of the girls in our group suddenly backstabbed another without provocation. And just like that, our tight-knit group unraveled. I had no desire to keep the backstabber in my life, but I missed the happiness of our former group, and I mourned the loss of the friend she used to be.


Now there was tension and bad feelings even when she wasn’t around, and we all knew that the five of us would never willingly be in the same room together again.


My life had been incredibly stable up until this point, which could possibly help explain my neurosis about change. I’d never experienced real loss, trauma, or drama, and so I’d grown to see any change to the status quo as a threat.


But now I had a taste of the truth, and it terrified me. If my longest, closest friendships could be broken, then nothing was safe. There was nothing I could count on.


But this experience is how I learnt that basically, everyone suffers, and the reason for that is that we’re too attached to things, people, outcomes , ideas. I got sad when my friend group splintered because I was attached to my friends. I don’t like change because I’m attached to my routines.


One concept that really jumped out at me was the idea of impermanence . It’s basically like that saying “this too shall pass”: Usually you hear it when you’re going through a rough time—you’re upset over a breakup or a difficult class or an illness, and your grandmother sends you some beautiful card telling you to cheer up, this will pass. And that’s a good thought. The bad things will pass.


But here’s the catch: So will the good things. This is why you’re supposed to let go of your attachments. Because your pain over your breakup will pass, but so will that exciting new-love feeling when you start a new relationship. I was attached to my routine, my day-to-day existence of friends, classes, and family, but that comfortable existence was going to pass, and my not accepting that was responsible for a large portion of my anxiety.


If I wanted to become comfortable with change, I had to learn to live in the moment. I had to accept that life was good right now, but that it was not permanent. When you learn to accept ahead of time that an end will come, the end is less painful.


Now, I still cling to routine. But these days I’m better at rolling with change. When my college roommate/best friend left to spend her last semester on an out-of-state internship, while I mourned the end of our life together, I also found myself kind of excited about the new experience of living alone. It turns out it’s kind of lonely. But this too shall pass.



分类: 英语
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