极智批改网 用户 剑8 Test 1小作文真实批改报告

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发表于:2014-01-06 11:37 [只看楼主] [划词开启]



题型:雅思小作文
题目:剑8 Test 1 小作文
原文字数:183
批改时间:2013年08月14日 23:26
 
The pie chart illustrates the primary reasons of farmland 1becomes less productive, while the table 2chart compares how these reasons influenced North America, Europe and Oceania during the 1990s.  
 
We can see from the pie chart, 3there are four reasons 4cause worldwide farmland degradation. Over-grazing, deforestation and over-cultivation accounted 5quite similar percentages, at 35%, 30% and 28% respectively. However, other reasons only make up 7% of the total.  
 
Different regions show different proportions of reasons 6in land degradation in7table 8chart. 9.8% of 9the land degradation in Europe10,due to 11the deforestation, which is much more higher than Oceania and North America, both at 1.7% and 0.2% only. Europe also 12shown the highest percentage in over-cultivation 13(7.7%14), but agricultural land degradation in Oceania 15represent 0%, in other words, not suffered by over-cultivation 16totally. However, over-grazing is the main reason of degradation in Oceania which represents 11.3%, followed by Europe and North America, at 5.5% and 1.5%.  
 
Overall, Europe land degradation is shown to be the most serious 17one compared with 18other two regions 19and it is mainly caused by deforestation and over-cultivation.  
 
错误归类分析:
 
时态错误:
1:批改解释:Verb tense. 修改建议:becoming.
4: 批改解释:Verb tense error. 修改建议:causing.
12: 批改解释:Verb tense error. 修改建议:showed.
15: 批改解释:Verb tense . 修改建议:represented.
 
多余文字:
2: 批改解释:Not needed. 修改建议:Omit.
8: 批改解释:Not needed. 修改建议:Omit.
17: 批改解释:Not needed. 修改建议:Omit.
 
单词缺失:
3: 批改解释:Missing word. 修改建议:that.
 
介词错误:
5: 批改解释:Preposition needed. 修改建议:For.
6: 批改解释:Poor choice of preposition. 修改建议:of.
 
冠词错误:
7: 批改解释:Article needed. 修改建议:the.
9: 批改解释:Not needed. 修改建议:Omit.
11: 批改解释:Not needed. 修改建议:Delete.
18: 批改解释:Article needed. 修改建议:the.
 
标点错误:
10: 批改解释:Not needed. 修改建议:Omit. Use “was”.
13: 批改解释:Do not write in parenthesis. 修改建议:Remove the brackets.
14: 批改解释:Not needed. 修改建议:Remove.
19: 批改解释:A comma is needed. 修改建议:,
 
选词错误:
16: 批改解释:Poor diction. 修改建议:at all.
 
 
得分7.0分(满分9分)
 
任务完成情况 Development and Details


满足题目所有要求
Covers all requirements of the task.
 
文章组织和结构 Organization & Structure
信息和内容组织符合逻辑,分段足够且恰当
Sequencing of information and ideas logically, sufficient and appropriate paragraphing.
 
论点扩展和细节运用 Development & Details
清晰辨别主要特征因素,必要时可适当运用比较
Clearly identifies all principle features and makes comparisons where needed.
 
词汇运用 Lexical resources
词汇丰富,能流畅使用丰富多样的语言并精准表达意思
Uses a range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings.
 
语法 Grammar
能运用标准的书面英语,包括语法及句式结构
Command of the elements of Standard Written English, including grammar, and sentence structure.
 
整体评分 Holistic Assessment
有效地对事实进行识别、分析及评价,表达准确流畅
Effectively identify, analyze, and evaluate the facts, and conveyed clearly in a fluent manner.
 
 
总评
 
Your summary is well developed save for the grammar errors that ought to be addressed. The introduction to the summary is well developed. It gives a good brief of the data in the chart and table. The analysis that you have presented in the main body is logically well structured. There is good comparison of the data given. It is commendable that you started with the distinct features of the chart and table. The conclusion is well developed too. There is need to be coherent by avoiding these grammar errors. Most important is that in a formal essay like this, do not write in parenthesis. It is better to write everything in open sentences. There are some poor diction and verb tense errors too. Most of the errors in your essay are simple errors that could have been rectified had you carefully read through the essay. The logical and general structures are standard. Use some more vocabulary where possible.
 
 
 
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