老外对结婚是怎么看的?

Wordoor外教一对一 (wordoor) 路人甲
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发表于:2013-11-15 14:43 [只看楼主] [划词开启]
老外对结婚是怎么看的?
----一个老外眼中的中国式结婚vs西方式结婚
前情提要:我来自荷兰,这是一个在西方国家中也算非常标榜自由主义的国家。我今天要说的很适合荷兰的情况,但不一定适合每一个人。但是因为荷兰和中国依然有很大的不同,所以今天话题应该还是又有趣的。


            

  VS 

        

        我现在在中国已经住了几年了,和一个中国女孩正式恋爱也有很长时间了。不过,我们还没有结婚。在荷兰、在欧洲,我们对婚姻的看法很不一样,我父母就没有结婚,但是他们有两个孩子。在荷兰的时候,我也和一个女孩谈过长达12年的恋爱,但是我们没有结婚,事实上我和对方都不想结婚。大多数我同龄(32岁)的荷兰朋友都没有结婚,尽管他们可能已经有孩子了。
         我的中国朋友总是不能理解这一点,因为对他们来说,婚姻很重要!
         我觉得人们理解的不同有以下几个原因。首先是she会:在中国,如果你没有工作,也没有什么人际关系来帮你,你就完了,很有可能要去街上要饭。在荷兰,不管你是男人还是女人,如果你没有钱,政府会帮助你,保证你有吃有住有衣服穿。所以人们没必要为了寻求安全感而结婚。恋人在一起完全是因为爱情,其它(比如钱)都不是主要的原因。
虽说爱情是主要原因,但是感情也是会变的,也许你现在爱一个人,但是10年以后,两个人的感情都可能会变。我们认为如果这样两个人还因为婚姻呆在一起,实在是很不明智。在一起就只是因为我们想在一起,不是为了一纸婚姻。
         当然,我们也很支持两个真正相爱的人结婚,但是如果你和你的第一个或第二个男女朋友结婚,你怎么知道你喜欢的类型就会是这样?在荷兰,我们觉得你应该多经历一些,然后再结婚,这样你才真正知道自己想和什么样的人在一起。
         最后,我们也没有计划生育。在中国,为了孩子的户口问题你必须结婚,但是荷兰不是这样,很多荷兰人没结婚,但是也养育孩子。
        总之,我们有很多原因让我们不结婚。我们坚持认为真爱最重要,一纸结婚证书是次要的。这并不是说我们不认真严肃对待感情,是因为结婚也可能会离婚,所以不管有没有结婚,你都要为爱情奋战。
         我女朋友在美国生活了五年,她已经了解了西方的婚姻观,所以她虽然也想结婚,但是觉得婚姻并不是那么重要。我们也经常讨论这个话题,她表示还是有点想结婚。我见过她的父母,他们觉得因为我是个外国人,所以要先“考察”我一段时间,然后再考虑结婚。他们只是希望女儿可以幸福。我希望可以通过考验……我还是会和她结婚的,她是中国人,如果我们想要个孩子,我们得结婚,如果我们想回荷兰,不结婚也很难拿到绿卡。不过我们肯定不是为了结婚而结婚!
       如果你想和我聊关于婚姻观念或者学习英语的一些问题,你都可以在Wordoor上找到我,在wordoor的主页:http://www.wordoor.com/Personal/Teaching.aspx?uid=32,我叫Joren,我很乐意和你一起分享我对于婚姻的观点和想法。


英文原版:

Note: I’m from Holland, which is, even in the West, a very liberal country. What I say here applies to where I come from, but might not apply to everyone. But, because where I come from is so different from people in China, it might still be interesting.
I have lived in China for a couple of years now, and have a long term serious relationship with a Chinese girl. However, we are not married. I’m from Holland, and in Europe we think different about marriage; my parents never got married, but had two kids. In Holland, I used to be in a relationship for 12 years, and I didn’t get married. We both didn’t want to. Most of my (32 year old) friends in Holland are not married, even though they might have children.
     New Chinese friends I meet often don’t understand. For them, marriage is so important!
I think that the difference comes from a few things. First is the society. In China, if you don’t have a job, and don’t have a network to help you, you have a big problem. Maybe you should even beg on the street! In Holland, if you are a man or a woman, if you don’t have money, the government will help you and make sure you have enough money for food, a house and clothes. So, you don’t need to be married for safety; you are in a relationship because you love each other, but safety (money and resources) are not the main reason.
         
The main reason is love. But, love can also change. Maybe you are in love with someone right now, but in 10 years, you will both have changed. We think that to stay together, only because you are married, is not a good idea; you stay together because you want to, and you need to marriage paper for that!
         Also, we believe very strongly that you should get married to someone you really like. But, if you get married to your first or second girlfriend, how do you know what kind of boyfriend/girlfriend you like? In Holland, we think that you should have some experience before you  get married. Then, you really know that this person is someone you want to stay with.
Finally, we don’t have a one-child policy. In China, you need a marriage for your child to get a hukoubar, but we don’t have this in Holland. A lot of people are not together anymore, but raise a child anyway.
        All in all, we have a lot of different reasons to not get married. We think love is the most important, and the papers are second. That does not mean we are not serious! However, a marriage can also end in a divorce, and whether you are married or not, you have to fight for your relationship.
       My girlfriend has lived in America for five years. She has seen how marriage is in the west, and wants to get married, but it’s not so important to her. We talk a lot about it, and she also wants to wait a bit. I have seen her parents, and her parents actually also accept that I’m a foreigner and that they have to wait a bit before we get married; they just want her to be happy. I’m blessed with that. But, I will get married to my girlfriend. She is Chinese, so if we want a child, we have to get married. If we want to go to Holland, it’s hard to get a visa if we are not married. But we’re not getting married because we have to.

You can meet me on wordoor.com.And if you have any questions about Marriage or english learning,i am very glad to talk with you and to be your friend.

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本文由Tara翻译,如有错误请多多指正。

最后编辑于:2013-11-15 14:44
分类: 杂货铺
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