When life disagrees with you丨给自己的冬日好心情

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发表于:2017-01-14 21:24 [只看楼主] [划词开启]


By Jason Marsh

From Reader’s Digest December 2016-January 2017: When It's Not Quite a Wonderful Life

 

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WHOEVER WROTE the song ‘It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year’ never had to endure a night of Thanksgiving listening to a cousin rail about politics. Or spend an entire Christmas alone while cheers and laughter erupted from the apartment down the hall.

“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year这是一年中最美好的时光,不论是谁写的这句歌词,他一定不会在感恩节的晚上和抱怨政治不停歇的堂兄弟同处一室,也不会在邻居的欢声笑语中独自一人度过整个圣诞季。

 

Fortunately, psychological research suggests some effective ways you can beat the holiday blues—and flags some especially unhelpful ones. The upshot(结论) is that sadness and other tough emotions are not afflictions(折磨) that we should try to avoid. Instead, if properly understood, they can help contribute to a healthy—and happy—life.

那么如何去克服假日的种种不爽呢?幸好,心理学研究对此提供了一些有效的解决方法,同时也帮我们认清一些面对情绪问题的误区。简言之,我们不应该试着去抑制悲伤或者其他的负面情绪;如果我们能较好地去理解这些负面情感,它们反而能够让我们的生活更加健康快乐。

 

Here are four strategies to help you craft(精心制作) your own happiness recipe this holiday season (and the rest of your year).

下面的四条策略可以帮助你在这个假期,以及一整年中,DIY属于自己的快乐。

 


1 DONT FORCE CHEER

1 勿强颜欢笑

At family gatherings with cousins you secretly can’t stand and in­laws(姻亲) who dole out backhanded(有言外之意的) compliments, it can be tempting to put on a happy face while you seethe(强压怒火) inside. Indeed, that might even seem like the most mature response—no drama, no conflict.

家庭聚会的时候,总有一些你不那么感冒的同辈亲戚,也许还会有一些看似极尽赞美实则话里有话的姻亲,面对他们的时候,你虽然心里有一万只羊驼在奔腾,但是脸上还是得保持阳光灿烂。的确,这种做法是最成熟的回应,一如往常,一团和气。

 

But a 2011 study by researchers might make you think twice. They followed dozens of bus drivers for two weeks, looking to see when they flashed fake versus genuine smiles at their passengers. The results showed that on days when the drivers tried to put on an act and fake a good mood, their actual moods got worse. This was especially true for women.

但是2011年的一项研究也许会让你再考虑下什么才是合适的反应。研究员们花了两周的时间追踪了几十名公交车司机,观察他们对乘客露出的真笑和假笑。结果显示,在驾驶员假装心情很好的那些日子里,他们的心情实际上变得更为糟糕,其中女性尤为明显。


And another research suggests that people who really want to be happy actually derive less happiness from positive experiences, apparently because their expectations are too high. Again and again, trying to force happiness seems to backfire(适得其反).

同时另一项研究表明,那些非常想获得快乐的人,从美好经历中实际得到的快乐反而变少了,这明显是因为他们的期望太高了。

 


2 DONT SUPPRESS SADNESS

2勿抑制悲伤

The results of the bus-driver study can be explained. Negative feelings like sadness or anger only intensify when we try to suppress them. That’s because we feel bad about ourselves when our outward appearance contradicts how we truly feel inside. We don’t like to be inauthentic.

刚才提到的公交车司机的例子其实是有理可循的。比如像悲伤或者愤怒这样的负面情感,如果我们特地去抑制它们,它们只会变得更强。那是因为表相和内心的不一致会让我们的心情down down down。我们不喜欢自己不真实的样子。

 

What’s more, when we suppress emotions like sadness, we deny them the important function they serve. Sadness can signal that something is distressing us; if we don’t recognize it, we might not take the necessary steps to improve the situation.

另外,当我们抑制自己负面情感的时候,比如悲伤,我们也在否定它们对于我们的重要作用。其实悲伤在提醒我们意识到正在经历的苦楚;如果我们没有认识到这一点,就不会采取必要的行动来改善这种情况。

 

Expressing our sadness can also elicit(引出) comfort and compassion from those who care about us, strengthening our bonds. By contrast, suppressing our emotions can actually undermine our relationships: college students who bottled up their emotions experienced less social support, felt less close to others, and were less satisfied with their social lives.

我们在表达自己悲伤的同时,也可以从关心我们的人那里得到一些安慰和同情,这样也能增进我们和亲朋好友之间的关系。相反的,对情感的抑制实际上会破坏彼此的关系:比如压抑自己情感的大学生获得的社交支持更少,与他人的关系更弱,而对自己的社交生活也更为不满意。

3 RESPOND MINDFULLY

3要谨慎回应

But none of this is to endorse drowning in melancholy or lashing out at our in-laws. Some ways of processing and acting on our emotions are healthier than others. Recently, scientists have been paying special attention to the benefits of mindfulness. When you respond mindfully to an emotional trigger (e.g., overcooking the holiday turkey), you pause rather than reacting. Instead of berating(指责) yourself, you simply notice what you’re feeling without judging that response as right or wrong.

但这并不是说我们就放任自己陷入忧愁,或是和我们的姻亲撕破脸皮。我们有更为健康的方法去处理情感。目前,科学家们一直在关注谨慎的好处。当你对诱发某种情感的事件做出谨慎反应的时候,比如节日里火鸡烤过头了,你应该先让自己缓一下再做出反应。不要先忙着责怪自己,也不要对自己的反应妄下定论,而是要先注意到自己的心情。


Studies suggest that a mindful response to a negative event reduces the amount of sadness we experience, is associated with less depression and anxiety, and may even carry physiological benefits, such as lowering our heart rates.  It’s a way to avoid suppressing your emotions without reacting hastily or getting consumed by rumination(沉思). Fortunately, research suggests that mindfulness is a skill you can cultivate over time.

研究表明,对负面事件谨慎的反应会减少我们感受到的悲伤、压抑和焦虑,甚至能带来一些生理上的好处,比如说降低心跳速率。这是一种既能够避免压抑情感,而又不会导致反应仓促或者陷入忧虑的方法。有研究称这种谨慎是你可以慢慢培养起来的技能。

 


ENJOY YOUR EMOTIONAL COCKTAIL

4尽享你的情感鸡尾酒

Inevitably, the holidays will bring a mix of highs and lows. Perhaps the most important lesson to keep in mind is that this variety of emotions might be the best thing possible for your overall well-being.

假期里,你会经历一些情感上的起起落落,这是无法避免的。你要知道,多种多样的情感能有益你的身心健康。

 

A survey of more than 37,000 people found that experiencing more “emodiversity a greater variety and abundance of emotions—was consistently linked to lower depression. In fact, people with more emodiversity took less medication, visited doctors less frequently, spent fewer days in hospitals, practiced better dietary and exercise habits, and smoked less.

研究人员对37千人进行调查后发现,多重情感体验有助于减少抑郁。实际上,情感较为多样化的人摄入更少剂量的药物,就诊次数更少,住院时长也更短;他们遵从更好的饮食与锻炼习惯,烟抽得也少。

 

In other words, sadness, anger, and other difficult emotions are like so many other staples of the holidays, from eggnog(蛋奶酒) to office parties: In moderation, they’re nothing to fear. Just make sure you’re balancing them with lighter experiences. And don’t forget to give yourself a break.

换句话说,悲伤、愤怒等负面情感就和假期的其他要素一样,比如美味的蛋奶酒和热闹的同事聚会,只要适量就没有什么好担心的。不过要确保你能把这些美好的经历和其他那些不太美好的均衡一下,同时也不要忘了给自己一点休息的时间哦。



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最后编辑于:2017-01-14 21:31
分类: 名师专栏
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